and i'm back..

It has been quite some time since I have felt the urge to blog. We are now 20 weeks and 3 days pregnant. It feels like it was just yesterday that my gf from called me from work ordering me to get dressed and to look out for her because she was coming home. I instantly knew something was wrong with the pregnancy. When she arrived home she told me she was bleeding and we needed to go to the hospital. My heart felt like it was going to explode. We arrived at the hospital the doctor examined her she was still spotting no cramps. The doctor said if she was going to miscarry there was nothing she could do so we went home. The next day the spotting stopped and she felt fine.

Sine then I have been disconnected emotionally from this pregnancy, afraid something might happen so I thought that if I disconnect emotionally then it wont hurt as much if something did happen well that changed Tuesday when we had our BIG ultrasound. We saw our baby alive and moving and healthy and with a strong beating heart. It became real to me..it became HE and HE is alive. I have learned that fear is a suffocating and debilitating emotion that will make you loose sight of what you have.